After a brief stint in Philadelphia, Matthew is pursing his masters in Opera Performance in the fall at Maryland Opera Studio. While Matthew is not singing he enjoys cooking, photography, and socializing with friends.
What does masculinity mean to you?
It is something that I didn’t really understand until my senior year of high school. I had spent a lot of time playing hockey and football. You had to hold a certain level of masculinity to be cool, fit in, and have friends. It became something I felt like I needed to do in order to be a good player and teammate. That’s what all the other good players were doing.
I knew it was there but didn’t have a word for it at the time. Now, if I had to explain it, I feel like it’s defined by the way you look, walk, and speak. Overall, it’s how you present yourself. At the end of the day I wish that masculinity was not so presentational and believe that unfortunately, the above definition is systematic in its nature.
When or what made you conscious of it?
When I started being truly myself. I quit sports and started doing theater during my junior year of high school. When I allowed myself to be a part of theater, there was a moment where I looked at myself in the mirror and I wasn’t who I used to want to be but who I should be. At the beginning of high school, I wanted to be that cool, popular athletic kid. I realized I was striving to be someone who I wasn’t.
Why didn’t you do theater earlier?
The director wouldn’t let me do both sports and theater at the same time because of the time commitments. Until I did theater, I was showing a shell of myself. I wasn’t allowing myself to develop into who I am/was because I was trying to meet these masculine social standards. That is a part of toxic masculinity.
Can you elaborate more on toxic masculinity?
It’s definitely associated with masculinity but isn’t necessarily “it”. Masculinity and toxic masculinity are separate. Yes, they’re related, but I wouldn’t define them the same way. I know it’s a little confusing but that would be a whole other interview
Yeah, that would definitely be another conversation to have. Maybe we can talk about it later. Can you talk more about coming out of your shell?
As I grew up, particularly my time in college, I started to figure out that both sexuality and masculinity function as spectrums. I didn’t necessarily have to stick to either of their extremes. Referring back to what I said about presentation, I feel like how I dress can help define where I am on the spectrum. Sometimes dressing a certain way can influence how masculine I am, even from one day to the next.
Often I was told outright what was masculine or wasn’t. Don’t cross your legs so tight. Don’t pop your hips. Don’t grow out your hair too long. Don’t talk so high. This is most definitely toxic masculinity.
When you made that transition to theater what was it that allowed you to open up?
They weren’t trying to be the bro or the jock, two things I believe to be hyper-masculine. They were more accepting. I saw the other end of the spectrum. I could be something else other than who I had been and who I was trying to become. I could just become myself with no strings attached. The director always told us to be ourselves and then some; go further with yourself and your personality.
Did you feel stigmatized by your sport groups after you left?
Through theater, I found a new group of friends and thankfully did not experience any stigmatizing or bullying from my past sports teams.
It seems like you’ve worked on finding a good balance within yourself?
Yeah, when I went to college I learned that some things I thought were important were actually trivial. There were no more gender rules. I realized I was gay as soon as I started to remove all of the toxic masculinity and social constraints that were previously pasted onto me. The pressure to be “masculine” immediately disappeared.
You’ve mentioned that you have many female friends and have/had a boyfriend. Things that one could say are inherently unmasculine. Do you think that’s helped put everything into perspective for you?
I try to put everything into perspective. I do have mostly female friends but also a lot of male friends. I mean a lot of them are also gay or bisexual but I do have straight friends. I look for relationships that support who I am and help me become even more of “who I am”. At the end of the day, I feel like my subconscious is still messed up by the pressure to be more masculine, an idea given to me by various childhood and adolescent experiences. However, I will actively never let it define me or change me anymore.
