Del grew up in Pennsylvania near Philadelphia. His studies in information technology at Penn State led him to his current position in data analysis. In his spare time, he likes to hang out with friends and watch TV.
What does masculinity mean to you?
Someone who accepts responsibility, driven, and goal oriented. They have a strong personal identity and are comfortable with who they are. They are respectful of women, especially towards their sister, mother and other female influences in their life. Eventually carrying that same level of respect when they get married towards their wife or partner, depending upon their sexual orientation. I understand that some of these beliefs are my own but also societal.
Initially, you mentioned goals as a part of masculinity. What are yours?
I want to be in a position where I can take care of my parents in old age, be a good husband and father. I also have career ambitions. I want to climb the metaphorical career ladder while finding a balance between what I want to do and money. You know I guess it’s what a lot of people are trying to achieve.
How did you adopt this understanding of masculinity?
I’d say a lot of mass media, especially TV. It seemed so many sitcoms had a “good father” character so being the best father I can be is really important. I know values vary from father to father, but I always want to be there for my children. I don’t want to be in a position where I’m not able to provide for them or not be there for them. I want to give them a good life.
It seems fatherhood and the male role in the family is really important to you. Why that?
I don’t know. You might expect a guy to say being a womanizer and things like that are important to them, but those seem superficial to me. It’s like a shiny object. Growing older though and seeing my own family and neighbors, it seems like they’re a lot happier and aged better because of the value they placed on their families. By the time you’re 50 or something I don’t think anyone’s gonna care about that superficial stuff anymore. When I hit that age, I want to have a great career, kids and marriage.
When did you have these realizations to think so far ahead?
I mean I did have those superficial ideals I’d say from teenage years until early 20s. I guess something changed in my head and how I saw things. I know not every guy my age has that foresight. But I think that lack of foresight is a little more normal now that people are getting married older and they have more time to mess around?
Is there something about masculinity you’d like to see change?
It seems people are very polarized when it comes to it. Let’s get rid of that rigid mindset. For people who get mad at the old standards of masculinity, it’s not all bad. There are some old standards, like being a good father and being respectful towards women, that are needed. For people who are stuck on some of toxic parts of the old standard, they should keep an open mind.
Is there anything else you want to add?
We need to address biases surrounding masculinity and admit that they exist within us. I’ve also found myself having these biases. They can be a bit problematic, like the initial thought when you see a man crying versus a woman crying. Sometimes these biases don’t really make you a bad person and you’re entitled to your opinion but you have to understand that not everyone has that bias. It just takes overall understanding by everybody.
