Name: Charlie
Age: 24
Location: Westchester, NY
What’s masculinity mean to you?
While I am aware that masculinity is only a narrative that is not based in fact, like all societal pressures, I find myself succumbing to the narrative a bit more than I’d like to admit. Even though I don’t endorse the idea of conventional masculinity, throughout my upbringing, whether it was in my home, at school, or in other social contexts, I found a way to adopt masculinity and I think that after 24 years, it’s so internalized that I oftentimes forget it’s a pervasive story in my life. Like so many, getting to this point entailed adjusting my personality, covering up emotions, and forcing myself to see the world through the lens that the masculine story requires a young man to see it through.
Can you elaborate on why it’s not something you’re critical of?
I definitely am critical of masculinity. I think that it’s detrimental both to society and individuals. However, I think my personal experience has been a lot easier than the experience many other people have had. Not only am I cis, but I was able to go to a college that supplied me with a nuanced understanding of how to think and talk about concepts like masculinity. While it’s still something that I find myself struggling with in certain situations, I think my position allows me to navigate some tricky situations with a bit more ease.
Can you elaborate more on the importance of being the breadwinner?
I grew up in a nuclear family. My dad is a doctor and my mom was a teacher until she decided to stay at home and raise my brother and me. My home life has given me a skewed idea of what families look like. It’s also influenced how I tend to imagine the dynamic of my future family. I know that whether my future family is conventionally or unconventionally structured, this will have no bearing on my personal happiness. That being said, it’s funny how I still picture myself as some archetypical breadwinner.
Do you think having a nuclear family is going to be a key to your happiness in the future?
Not at all. I don’t really have any strict adherences. One structure isn’t better than another and just because I have a subconscious imagination regarding familial structure that is tied to masculinity doesn’t mean I have some strange expectation that my life must look like a 1950’s TV sitcom.
What’s going to make you happy?
Spending time with great people, continuing learning throughout my life, hiking and getting outside as much as I can, and working to help fix climate issues. I am starting graduate school to work in the renewable energy policy and economic sector this fall. I’ve been waiting for this opportunity since before I finished undergrad, so I’m pretty pumped.
