What’s masculinity mean to you?
It’s really hard to parse it out. It’s just internalized from such a young age without much thought. You seem to know what’s expected of you. You’re expected to become someone that embodies this classic type of toxic masculinity. These traits associated with toxic masculinity are being closed to emotions, vulnerability, fear, and many others.
What did you think of it growing up? Was It something you strived for?
Yes but I wasn’t really conscious of it. It seemed like others were trying to reach those expectations and I was surrounded by those types of people. Reflecting upon it now, they were living with superficial values they weren’t even aware of. They were suppressing their emotions, not being vulnerable, being closed off, and just personifying the bad associations with masculinity.
It sounds like you’re very critical of it. Do you see any good in it?
Not really. It’d be better to not even have these ideas surrounding masculinity. Boys and young men subscribing to these harmful norms can lead to a path of psychological harm. A lot of dudes have these immediate reactions when other people criticize these ideas. I believe that not even listening or trying to understand where the critics are coming from just exposes their hypocrisy.
So is there anything that makes you feel masculine?
I guess how I look and the clothes I wear, but I don’t think there’s anything I do that makes me feel masculine. Guys should just enjoy their lives and do what makes them happy rather than focus on what makes them masculine.
So is there anything other than your appearance?
No
What’s influenced this entire view on masculinity for you?
I learned during undergrad at school. At the start, when people would criticize masculinity, I would feel attacked. I felt this way for quite awhile at first, but then I let that go. I started listening and trying to understand. Then, I realized where they were coming from.
Where would you like to see masculinity headed?
We should normalize men opening up and breaking some of those barriers of toxic masculinity. Guys not feeling good about themselves and not opening up can perpetuate some of the toxic traits not only within masculinity, but within the general society, like misogyny and racism. There’s been a lack of awareness, conversation, and vocabulary about these things. Masculinity needs to warm-up to more general wholesomeness and intimate interactions between guys and everyone in their lives.
